I haven’t written anything in months. And with the million highs and lows that happened in just a course of ONE YEAR, I don’t even know where to start. Over the past months, I have lost and won. Laughed out loud, and cried my heart out. Have fallen more in love than ever, and have hurt even more. I’ve been hurt and have hurt. Through all that, I tried not to lose faith. I was already living the fairytale that I’ve always dreamt of, with my prince nonetheless. Yet again, it rained on my parade. The castle collapsed and my prince turned into a toad. Who would’ve thought, right?
I had just turned 19, yesterday. And oh well it seemed like life had a big surprise in store for me. Like c’mon? It’s my birthday. REALITY DOES BITE. Truth is, I’m actually one of those people who find it so hard to accept that. Like finding out that there is a bitter truth out there, something that will eventually come to surface. Sometimes we are just plain victims of the situation, who are we to know? Life goes on differently for all of us. It hurts as hell finding out that we are merely helpless; because there is nothing else we could do but accept what is laid out to us. Its also unfair, because we weren’t given a chance to actually do something… To turn things around, or to somehow managed to prevent it from happening. I once read an icon that said, “If only life came with a backspace key.” –-It’s true; life would’ve been so much easier for all of us. Think of how much pain, tears, mistakes, and heartaches that would’ve been saved. If only there is a way to undo, what’s already been done. To just take it all back. But that’s far from happening.. The last thing I would want to find out after my birthday is that, my happy ever after, already ended. I feel awful. But I guess I saw all of this coming, I was just too blinded by my daydreaming, to see it.
I don’t know where to get the strength to finish this battle, but I guess something I learned from all that had happened is.. By now, I should be strong enough to face it all alone. I need to. Finishing this battle on my own, and coming out alive, and still whole, would probably be the happy ending to my so-called fairytale. It may not come off as romantic at all, but rather, brave and inspiring.
FANTASTIC + FABULOUS = FANTABULOUS.
This month felt like one hell of a roller coaster. One moment I was in Cloud 9, while the rest of the days were filled with boxes of tissues and cups of caffeine at 2 in the morning, just because my mind can't seem to rest from all the thinking. And its not because I'm too busy with exams or homework. To sum it all up, I spent the first 18 days of this month... Laughing out loud with the girls. Tripping just about anywhere. Studying until 4 in the morning, for an exam that's just 4 hours away. Waking at the middle of the night, crying. Constantly being late for my first class. Getting teased, because I always end up getting a new cut every week, that's why i'm practically covered with band-aid! No worries, its because of the usual reason -- That I'm a total clutz! Doing my job as Dr. Love, to my new and growing list of patients. Texting and IM-ing in class. And sipping 1 grande Caramel Macchiato in between classes to lift up my spirit. Being confused, worrying, crying, crying, crying and well... worrying some more. Having my Gym class teacher, tease me on what's happening on my current romance. So we ended up talking about OUR love lives. That happened 2 Saturdays ago. Surprisingly he turned out to be, pretty cool. Oh and slept, more like napped. Since I was back again, with the old routine of having 5 hours MAX for sleeping! Shopping over the weekend, with... MYSELF. Since nobody seems to be free. About the crying part... A few months back, I normally talk about how my life sucks, like always! But this time.. Its different. I wanna keep mum about it. I think that's the most mature way to deal with it. And also, it'd be hard for me to go through the details.
.............. * * * .................
So basically, I had spent the past 18 days trying to find answers from questions that I don't even know yet. Trying to figure out what I really want, and what would I risk just to experience true happiness. How far will I go? Is it really worth all the sleepless nights? Then something inside of me snapped! You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of! You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life... So I know, I just had to stop. Overall, this month wasn't so bad. Its actually... pretty AWESOME. ;) I still can't believe that I ended up maturing more than I could ever think of. This has got to be the BEST month of the year.. There was perfect mixture of YIN and YANG. I don't want this month to end just yet.. But like what they all say.. All good things must come to an end. Life is still Dandy, despite all the drama. Oh yes, IT REALLY IS! ;)
* * Oh drat, i wouldn't get to post the sumptuous desserts! Well, i spent a hefty long time on the DESSERT BAR. And took loads of shots! But my cam broke, before i even got to transfer it into my PC.
The silly camera, dived into the pool. ;)
Other Bday Presents...
Bellissimo.. È stupefacente! Fendi-tastic! (full view)
From Paris, with love! Oooh la la Vuitton!
I'm still hung-up from my birtday. There was just something missing there.. BUT it still is, the best DAY ever. I took a short trip and came back after a couple days. BIG THANKS to all my fab friends who sent in their greetings. IMs, Emails, SMS. I tried replying to their messages as soon as i could. Well, as soon as we landed! I didn't mind about the roaming charges! Ha Ha! I was just so ecstatic, while reading through all the messages. They broke the record, from last year! Ha Ha! I really owe them a party. But i was away for a couple days, so i didn't get to do it. I'll be making it up to them, by having a post-party celebration which i'm still planning inside my head!
AND A BIG THANK YOU to ALL THE PEOPLE who greeted me here! I really appreciate it! :)
Gorgeous flowers! COMPLIMENTS OF THE RITZ-CARLTON Hotel.
I really adore Tulips. So it was good, that i recieved an entire caboodle!
EXPRESS DELIVERY FROM THE CITY OF LIGHTS
You had me at, FENDI.
This has got to be the BEST birthday, yet! Old buddies finally remembered and.. sent in SMS, IMs, emails. And i am extremely happy about it. The greeting list is definitely much longer now. :)
Je suis heureux que la plupart de mes amis se soient rappelées mon anniversaire. Ils sont espérant nous pourraient sortir, mais je ne peux pas partir parce que je suis occupé. Je leur ai promis que nous célébrerons bientôt. Et ce sera une partie vraiment grande. Je les manque beaucoup. Parfois j'ai peur pour vieillir. Responsibilites sont parfois trop à manipuler. Il devient plus difficile résoudre des problèmes et le temps semblent fonctionner plus rapidement. Mais quand j'avais 16 ans, j'ai réalisé tant de choses. J'ai réalisé, cela que je suis plus fort que je pense. Et cela, je peux traiter celui que la vie de problème jette à moi, n'importe comment grand.
Oooh, what could i be getting TODAY? I hope it's that new Blackberry!
P R E S E N T S
1. I am also, of Spanish descent. Basically, I'm ¼ Spanish. Courtesy of my Mom. My ancestors hails from the south of Spain. The rest of ME, is a mix of 3 other races.
I can carry the accent, already! Ha Ha!
2. My mom's family is pretty much the traditional Spanish kind. But I wasn't brought up like that. I mean, with the language and traditions. So, when I came to visit them before, they had to adjust and translate for me. And I definitely learned a lot!
3. Now, my mom and me talk in Spanish so I could practice it.
Been doing it for a week now and I know I'm not a COW to be eating all these greens, yellows, and reds! But the results are good and it didn't only help my body, work right, it also made my mind and MOOD in sync. No signs of feeling cranky and snappy at the middle of the day. Makes me feel like, I could go skydiving and run for miles.
Changing my diet, is just one of the many many many things i'm going to do and will be FINISHING this season.
On a Sunny Shopping day to Rodeo Drive, or even Paris. You've decided to wear your Hermes Scarf, Balenciaga tote bag, D&G Oversized Sun glasses, John Galliano Dress, Marc Jacobs peep-toes, Now, what's missing with the complete head-to-toe Haute Couture ensemble?
A PRADA PHONE of course!
It also features a 2-megapixel camera
music player (MP3, ACC, ACC+, WMA, RA)
video player (MPEG4, H.263, H.264)
has an external memory slot
And runs on wireless data: Bluetooth 2.0, EDGE Tri-Band
LET IT HAPPEN! ;)
The Status of my life now: STEADY. In short... I'm hanging there.. Just hanging on..
Hey! did you know that there are actually 5 STAGES OF GRIEF! Yes, there's 5 of it!
I'm not really sure with where i am, right now.. It can actually get a bit confusing at some point. I just realized that the only thing i'm sure of, is that... Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly reckon. The invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are the most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen.
Get your Gucci Bag. Pack your Flip Flops. Book a flight. Rush to the Airport!
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